Post subtitle: ‘things I know intellectually, but keep forgetting to remember and need to be better at applying in real life…’
- Don’t keep giving way, especially on things that matter.
Because it will weaken you, affecting your resilience.
Instead, pick your battles, know where your red lines are, communicate them clearly, and stand up for yourself.
- Don’t try to please everyone.
Because this creates ‘pseudo security’, a temporary gratification that creates dependency on the views of others, to an unhelpful degree.
Instead, recognise and accept differences, and accept that you won’t always be ‘liked’.
- Don’t forget that mistakes are a sign of having taken on challenge.
Because a mistake is not the same as failure—but not learning from mistakes can turn something into failure.
Instead, whilst it may be asking too much to embrace a mistake, and you may start off by looking at it through your despairing fingers, at some point you will be able to turn it into learning. And also stop to admire the ‘muscles’ you’ve built up through trial and error – in resilience, toughness…
- Remember that walking away is not always a weakness.
Because there are times when you cannot change a situation, or cannot trust it to change—or just cannot spend your life hanging around in the hope that it will.
Instead, whether it’s a relationship, toxic friendship, a job, or other circumstance, learn the difference between a situation you actively and positively want to be in (your reasons are your own) and one that’s become a negative or unhealthy habit.
- Acknowledge your weaknesses, but don’t keep kicking yourself for having them.
Because in over-emphasising your weakness, to yourself or to others, these ‘shortcomings’ will start to define you.
Instead, plan to strengthen your ‘weaknesses’ IF that’s a current priority—but also consider how they are counter-balanced by your strengths, and focus on those. Recognise when others start to define you by your weaknesses and refuse it. Again, it may be the situation you need to change, not yourself.
- Look forwards more than you look back.
Because whilst you can, by all means, remember, reminisce, appreciate what you had, reflect and learn from the past… Wallowing there too long or spending too long beating yourself up and you’ll either focus too long on the ‘bad’, or fail to move on with the future ‘good’.
Instead, as well as feedback, i.e. analysis of past performance, try ‘feed forward’, i.e. consider solutions or alternative options that might be applied in the future.
- But also! Prolong positive moments when they arise, however small.
Because you deserve them.
Instead of rushing onward, hold that moment a while.